So, life really hasn't been the best for me lately. It's like God isn't on my side. No matter what or how I do things I just can't seem to win.
After my Mimi lolli died back in May nothing has been the same.
My mom died three weeks later. Then on my birthday Dustin breaks up with me.
And now, I'm dealing with another loss; Kim.

My best friend of ten years pretty much dry fucked me. I think I'm more mad about how she went about things than anything. A friend doesn't do to you what she did to me. I'm hurt.
The boyfriend she is with treats her like shit and controlls her. And she doesn't have the balls to stand up for herself and say "later i need better" Instead it's "oh, I love him and I'm going to try and MAKE things work" I wouldn't care so much if I wasn't friends with her for so long. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't have to watch it for so long.

I just grew tired of her. I grew tired of her throwing me under the bus because her stupid ass boyfriend that treats her like shit doesn't like me. "Brianna, you're not his type of people." Is what she tells me. Then she tells me that I'm just like all of his other friends?
What's the difference? The fact that I'm not a preppy stuck up bitch? Fuck them. I'm just done with people in general.

Dustin doesn't make my life easy either. I love this boy that left me because "we need to grow up with out a relationship" but, we can still have everything that we had with out the title of a relationship? Really?
I personally think he's having a commitment issue. He doesn't like the fact that I don't like him talking to his ex girl friend. I don't like the fact that he gets girls numbers off of myspace and then texts them until his phone dies hours later. That bothers me when we're trying to work shit out between us and then he has the nerve to say that he doesn't trust me?!
Who cheated on who? As I recall he cheated on my ass. And then HE says that he doesn't trust me? Fuck that.
I feel like I'm being taken for granted in every angle I look in.
I lost my mom, my great grandma, my boyfriend, and my best friend all within a matter of six months. I can't seem to move forward in my job. I can't seem to be doing anything right anymore.
When can I get a break? When can my life get easier? When can I take a chance to breathe? I feel like just crying. I want to cry my fucking eyes out and I can't anymore. the past few days have been hell.
I'm stressed. I'm 18 years old and I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. I feel like I can't move forward and that my feet are stuck.
Nothing for me changes. Nothing in my life is right anymore.

It's pretty sad when you feel like there is no one to cry to or no one to count on.
The only people I can count on are a couple of my bosses and Hayden and Shelby. But, I don't want to burden them with my problems. I don't want to freak them out. It's just not worth it.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want to get out of here and the offer is lying on the table for me to move back to fucking california. I can't seem to pry myself away from this terrible place. Something is just screaming at me to not go.
I don't know if it's because of my grandma.
I don't know if it's because I'm so damn attached to my job.
I don't know if it's because of Hayden and Shelby.
I just don't know.
What I do know; is that I can't leave. I can't.

I just wish I had a place of my own.
I just wish that I won't be taken for granted anymore.
I want people to see me for me. Not for what they get out of me.

I want My mom back.
I want Kim to pull her head out of her ass before she gets hurt.
I want Dustin to be as secure as he was 2 years ago.
I want to feel okay again and I don't know if that's ever going to happen.
I think I have officially fallen, and I don't know when I'm going to be able to get up..